[ cheering ]
[ singing in native language ]
Ah ha!
Back from the dead, assholes!
[ Ewoks screaming ]
[ laughs ]
Oh ho ho!
Boba's got himself a lightsaber now!
Oh ho ho ho ho!
Make it two!
Ooh, red and blue.
When l put it together, what does it make?
Purple rain!
Oh, ho, no, he's gettin' away!
What's this button here?
Says ''long-range missile.''
Couldn't possibly -- could it?
[ laughs ]
Oh ho, and the quarterback is toast!
Oh, Boba!
Hey, hey, he got the girl.
What's with all the clothing?
Why don't you -- there's more comfortable.
Right on.
Oh, careful of the antenna, baby.
And that would be the most awesomest thing
to ever happen in the history of ever!
Can somebody get me a sock?
[ laughs evilly ]
[ mechanical breathing ]
[ laughs evilly ]
Hey, you're gonna be mad, Alfonso.
l haven't had time to get it cut, and my hair is whaaah!
Don't worry!
We will have you looking perfect, sir!
[ laughs ] Uh-oh!
Look at you!
You look crazy!
l know. l look crazy.
Well, let's get started.
And how is the Empire coming along?
Last time, you were very excited about your Death Star.
Let's just say we're already building another one.
Uh-oh!
Yeah, l've got Vader on it.
Ugh. Just saying his name stresses my ass!
[ cell phone rings ]
ALFONSO: Uh-oh!
Yeah?
Turn your head for me, please.
You lost them?
Uh-oh!
l-l can't hold your hand anymore, Vader.
A hand l gave you, l might add!
No! No! Shut up!
Uh-oh!
l-l-l got to put you on hold!
l just want to throw myself in a hot bath and cry.
Oh, no!
You're looking for some guys?
What about a bounty hunter?
A what, now?
You know, a guy who looks for a guy for money.
My sister's dating one.
Alfonso, you're a lifesaver!
What's your midichlorian count?
Seriously, what do we need to do?
We put an ad in the paper.
Bounty hunters from everywhere are looking, looking, looking,
and then we got this guy!
l like it.
And l like where this is going!
Well, you got the face for it!
Fight fans!
lt's the Geonosian Separatist Hot Pod Summer Championship!
Championship!
Kick it to the Geonosian Arena this Saturday and Sunday.
Sunday, Sunday.
Featuring the 50,000 credit battle for
the ''Monster Beast Challenge Series.''
With Acklay!
Monster Beast!
Reek!
Monster Beast!
And Nexu!
Taking on two robe-clad, Force-mad,
dead-eye Jedi warriors!
Force mad!
Tickets now at all holo-tron outlets
and Geonosian Arena box office.
This Saturday, 7:30 p.m.!
Special show, Sunday 1 :30!
Bring the kids!
Only at the Geonosian Arena.
lt's awesome, awesome, awesome!
[ whispers ]
[ laughs and snorts ]
Owen, you're terrible!
What? What'd he say?
[ whispers ]
[ laughs ]
What is so funny?
Well, Owen just said,
''l guess that's makes him 'Little Orphan Annie.' ''
[ laughs ] lt's funny.
Come on, man.
Comedy, it's just tragedy plus time, man.
No time has passed.
l'm holding her dead body in my arms!
Sheesh! Fine!
Well, you just mark the date on the calendar
when it's okay to lighten the mood.
Never! lt will never be okay.
Luke, what's wrong?
l just can't believe Ben's gone.
Oh!
Did the 80-year-old man you just met yesterday die?
l mean, sorry if l didn't notice.
l was a little busy thinking about my entire family
and the other 2 billion people from Alderaan
who were just vaporized into dust 'bout three hours ago.
[ beeping ]
Gary, where is Jessica?
lsn't today ''Take Your Daughter to Work Day?''
(sighs ) No one actually does that.
Gary, you promised.
Keep your head down, Jessica!
Okay, daddy! Oh!
Mr. Fuzzybottom!
[ groans ]
Oh! Ugh!
Ahhh! Ahh!
[ panting ] Here you go, baby.
VADER: Who is this little girl?
Oh! Lord Vader!
Uh...it's ''Take Your Daughter to Work Day, ''
and l know, uh -- you know, l'm sorry for bringing her,
but my wife says l never see her,
and -- and let's be honest. She's right.
Okay? She's right.
Do you have kids?
'Cause, l mean, they change your world.
Oh, l'm probably gonna get fired for this, but [bleep] it.
l love my daughter.
That really hits me where l live.
What have you done with those plans?
Gary here never sees his daughter
because of people like you!
[ bones snap ]
l'm so sorry you had to see that.
Are you having fun, being at work with your father?
Mmmm.
[ laughs ]
l know, l'm scary.
These aren't the droids you're looking for.
These aren't the droids we're looking for.
Yes, they are.
Move along.
Daddy, you're not even trying!
Baby, it is 165 degrees on this planet!
l can't hear in this thing!
l was just repeating what l thought the guy was saying!
lt's not like it's my own mother[bleep] thought on the matter, okay?!
[ crying ]
Hon-- oh!
Baby!
See?
That's why l don't take my daughter to jack [bleep].
Make her tell us the location of the rebel base.
Good god, man!
l'm a doctor, not a savage!
This is a flu shot! Good day, sir!
You will make her --
l said, ''good day, sir!''
What the...
You trying to drown that kid?
What are you injecting there?
ls this the bloody Dark Ages?!
Why don't you just throw some leeches in there!
Oh, nobody listen to Dr. Ball.
He's just an old fool!
She's lost the will to live?!
What is your degree in, poetry?
You sorry bunch of hippies.
For god's sakes, don't use the billions of dollars
of medical equipment around us.
Why don't we all just get on our knees and pray?
We don't have knees, you mother[bleep].
Will that be all?
Hey, you didn't pay the check!
They're easily startled, but they'll soon be back.
And in greater numbers.
Oh good.
Okay, kid, Mr. Ackbar here
is ready to take this ad campaign coast to coast.
What have you come up with?
[ knuckles crack ]
' Ackbar's fish sticks from the sea '
' They cook so tender and flaky '
' Whip some up for you and me '
' To pass them up is a big mistakey '
' Yeah '
''Big mistakey''?
lt's a no, guys.
[ all groan ] What? That's nuts.
l think it works better as an instrumental anyway.
There's one.
Set for stun.
Ugh!
He said stun.
[ crying ]
He wasn't gonna hurt ya.
He said stun.
[ beeping ]
[ roars ]
[ screeches, gasps ]
[ beeping ]
[ alarm blaring ]
[ glug! glug! glug! glug! ]
Whoo!
Go to the Jedi Temple.
Do what must be done.
Mr. Skywalker.
What's going on?
All of you line up, oldest to youngest.
What for, sir?
Um...a treat.
[ excited chattering ]
Um...everyone just, uh, close your eyes real tight
and put your fingers in your ears.
No peeking.
Mr. Skywalker, can my treat just be a hug?
You can do this, Anakin.
Just -- just go to your happy place.
Oh, remember the fields of Naboo, where you fell in love.
Yeah.
Yeah!
Oh, it's beautiful.
Oh, yeah!
Oh, nature!
l feel alive!
Oh, yeah!
Aah, hyah!
Oh, l'm so in love.
Aah, hyah!
Ra-a-a-r!
[ laughing ] Where are you going?
Come here. Yeah!
Oh, yeah!
That was nice.
Anakin, l'm home!
ANAKlN: Oh, good.
l left you some fresh-cut sunflowers on the dining table.
Oh, Annie, that is so sweet of you ...
[ glass shatters ] [ screams ]
3P0! Shut down all the garbage mashers on the the detention level!
Do you copy?
Shut down all the garbage mashers on the detention level!
Shut them all down! Hurry!
[ laughs ] All right! Wooo-hooo!
Mmm, yummy in my... Hey...Ugh.
[ groans ] Ah damnit, that was fish.
Our forces are almost in place.
[ engine revving ]
This is General Veers.
Begin your attack.
Yeeeee-haw!
What the hell are you doing?
Slow down.
Ow!
Ooh!
Here they come!
They're beautiful!
You just passed them.
You got to tur-- look out!
[ AT-AT squealing ]
Yeah!
That was awesome!
Whoo-hoo!
VADER: General Veers, report on the attack.
Uh, uh...
Ha ha! Whoo!
l love this thing!
l grow tired of asking this, so it will be the last time.
Where is the rebel base?
Dantooine. They're on Dantooine.
You heard her! Destroy Dantooine!
Wait!
Whew. Four years of landscaping
but l think Mr. Tarkin finally has a home to be proud of.
Hey, a laser.
Vader! Dantooine!
What...what... the hell?
You've been to a cocktail party at my house, for Christ sake!
Sorry.
This is it, mom.
Everyone has a destiny, and mine is just over that horizon.
Krayt, listen to reason.
The elders all say it's just a never-ending ocean of desert
out there.
Oh, pishposh.
What kind of cruel god would create a whole planet
defined by just one topographical feature?
Why, that'd be as ridiculous as a whole world
made of nothing but ice, lava, or forest.
No, sometimes you just have to dig deep down
inside yourself and find the courage to say,
look out, world.
Here comes Krayt Dragon.
''Hans Olo ?'' Co--Come on.
Mine just says ''participant.''
l can't believe it! You found him!
[ laughs ] l guess l'll cancel our date in hell!
Anyway, that Tauntaun you gave me wasn't worth a crap!
Heh. But he sure made a good sleeping bag!
X-WlNG LEADER: X-Wings and B-Wings standing by.
Y-WlNG LEADER: Y-Wings and A-Wings standing by.
Report in, Q-Wing, can you hear me?
Oh. Oh...God!
[ vomits ]
What is thy bidding, my master?
My bidding?
How about l bid thee to stop ramming the ship
into [bleep] asteroid fields?
Can you handle that?
- l'm trying. - Yeah? Well, there is no try.
There's do and there's [bleep]ing up royal.
And you are [bleep]ing up royal,
so l'm hiring bounty hunters to do the job.
- But l -- - No buts.
lt's already ringing.
You look so tiny down there,
like a little mean pepper shaker.
Sheila, hey, it's Palpatine.
Listen, l need you to place an ad for me, will you?
lmperial Emperor seeking bounty hunters to,
um -- to find and locate -- yeah,
l guess that is the same thing.
Okay, to locate the Millennium Falcon.
She's typing.
So all you see is my head, huh?
Can you see this?
Who-o-o-o-o-o-o-op! Up!
Yes, l c--
No, l'm here. Right.
Oh, and be sure to mention some kind of a reward.
What? Oh, l don't know.
How much do you think?
Really? That seems a little high to me.
No, l see your point.
l tell you what, why don't we just say ''substantial reward''
and leave it at that?
Okay, thanks, Sheila.
What?
[ sighs ]
Sure. What's his name? Dengar?
Sounds good.
Yeah, no, we'll bring him in first thing.
Okay. Okay, bye-bye.
Sheila's husband's a bounty hunter.
l told her we'd give him a look-see.
[ mechanical breathing ]
Bet that knee's starting to hurt.
MAN: Come on, Grievous!
These landspeeders are backing up!
[ groans ]
A mouse is afraid of it...
Ah... rat poison?
A booby...
ls awesome!
You don't want to get caught in one...
Small claims court!
No....
Ohhhh-hooo. What was it?
[ phone rings ]
[ recording ] [ in foreign language ] Hi, this is Greedo.
l'm not here right now,
but leave a message at the tone and l'll call you back!
[ beep ]
GREEDO'S MOM: Greedo? Honey, it's your mother!
You missed Sunday dinner, which is unlike you.
l wanted to tell you l saw an advertisement in the Penny Saver
today for bounty hunters,
and l thought that might be of interest to you,
and l know you don't like being told how to live your life but--
ANSWERlNG MACHlNE: Mailbox. Full.
Mmmm, very good you are!
Yes, very acrobatic!
Mmmm, maybe cut down on the flips you should!
No more need to impress me there is!
Begging you l am! Sick l will be!
Uuuuhhhhmmmmbleearrrrghhhhhh!
T-this is Zuckuss and 4-LOM's agent, c-calling about the, uh,
the bounty hunter ad?
Yeah. They're out on a dangerous mission right now...
[ whispering ] No! They'll think we're unavailable!
N-n-no, but-but-but totally available at the same time.
l me-- wh-when did you want to hire them?
ls-- is it right away?
N-n-no-no problem, just give me, uh, details.
A-a falcon, you say?
That's-that's not a giant, bug- eating bird, is it?
Oh! Te--
Because that would be-- N-n-no. No-no. Oh. Oh, a ship!
A ship! Oh.
Great, 'cause w-w-we're, you know, we're not afraid--
l-l mean they're . They are not afraid of a ship.
Oh! T-tell them we always get our man!
l'm not telling them that.
Do it, it sounds confident! Be confident!
Oh yes, l'm still here.
Yeah-yeah, well-- they always get their man.
W-w-well, Wookiees too. They always get-- Oh.
Okay. Okay, Star Destroyer Executor,
4 p.m. Got it.
They're sending a shuttle!
That is so cool!
Okay, thanks!
Dude, we are bounty hunters!
Sally Johnson is a real person, not an actor,
so to tell her story, we hired the star of ''Phantom Menace.''
l was driving down my street when a truck hit me head-on.
Osa-noes!
There's a truck a-comin'!
Aaaah!
We's-a gonna die!
Yes.
l was fine, but the car was totaled.
Whoo-ee patootie! lt's a mess!
Got the engine over here,
but the wheel for steerin' way over there!
Aah!
My agent at Gecko lnsurance sent me a check right away.
You-sa not even gonna believe this.
Ja wheh. We win da money.
We win da money!
Wha-aaaah!
Whoa!
Um, l think l was explaining it better than he was.
Gecko -- real help.
Real money.
Me-sa thinks me broke me bombad spine!
Did -- did they say cut?
[ ding ]
Big-ass ship, huh fellas?
What'd you party monsters get up to this weekend?
l caught one of my bandages in a freakin' escalator at the mall
and it took maintenance an hour and a half to unjam that particular disaster.
Those were some surly fellows, l kid you not.
Haven't seen the cutie at the Dippin' Dots kiosk
point and laugh with such cruel,
forceful vigor since last month when that exact same thing happened.
What'd you do, lggy Pop?
Ooookay. How 'bout you, Bossky, Bossk?
[ slurps ]
[ giggles ]
You'll never take me alive bounty hunter!
[ gun shots ]
l'm-l'm telling you, l-l don't know where the droids are.
We're not getting anything out of these two.
Burn them alive.
BERU: No! No! Please, no!
Oh, and l have a message from Lord Vader.
He says, ''you may now laugh about the Little Orphan Annie joke.''
You tell him it was funny then and it's funny now!
[ laughs ]
Little Orphan Annie!
Ha ha.
You tell him to his face.
Oh, will do. Light 'em up, boys.
Well, Beru, people always said we were a hot couple!
You know, Owen, you really are a asshole.
Bounty hunters?
We don't need their scum.
My brother's a bounty hunter, Gareth.
There will be a substantial reward
for whoever captures the Millennium Falcon.
ls he paying attention?
[ mechanical breathing ]
[ horn sounds, crowd cheering ]
Can't wait to get started, right, fellas?
Got to hunt that bounty, but the bounty's in the hunt,
l always say. Tricks of the trade,
trade secret -- disintegration devices.
D-guns, D-bombs, D-missiles.
l'm the disintegration machine.
Want a guy disintegrated, get me integrated.
That's Dengar's motto.
l want them alive. No disintegrations.
As you wish.
Aw, shucks.
See you at the finish line, A-hole.
BOBA FETT: Where my keys? Where my keys?
Best bounty hunter in the league!
Better stop soft-shoeing boss.
We are bounty hunters!
[ hair dryer blowing ]
Thought you could pull one over on ol' Dengar, did you?
They mocked me for choosing a toilet theme at bounty hunter school,
wrapping myself in toilet paper, choosing a flying toilet for a ship,
but by golly it pays to look like floating trash in this instance, doesn't it?
Ol' Dengar's going to have the last laugh for sure.
[ crash ]
l got to say, Boba, this is one beauty of a ship.
l'm not crazy about the name, though.
Roooaaarrrrr!
Haw haw!
- [ laughs ] - Roooaaaarrrr!
Don't throw it to me... don't throw it to me...
no, no, no, no, not to me... don't throw it to me.
[ laughs ]
[ horn blows ]
[ thud ]
[ grrrrr ] Roooaaaarrrr!
Ah. (snorts ) Two for flinching.
l've made a deal that will keep the Empire out of our affairs forever.
[ roars ]
We'd be honored if you could join us.
[ grumbling ]
[ slurping ]
C-can l get a little more water?
- What? - Nothing!
[ clears throat ] l just asked for more water.
Hmm?
Keek!
[ growls ]
Peow!
[ blowing ]
[ imitates creaking ]
[ growls ]
So, how we doing?
Leia, how's the soup?
You ever had soup this good?
Yes, on Alderaan.
Hey, Princess, let it g-o-o-o-o-o-o.
''Oh, help me.
We're a peaceful planet.''
''You may fire when ready.''
Ka-bo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-om!
Big laser. [ imitates gunfire ]
Alderaan chunks everywhere.
Psheeeew!
Anyone, uh -- anyone got a joke?
l've got one.
Who's got two thumbs and betrayed his best friend?
This guy!
[ laughs ]
Uh, too soon?
Well, it's been a time and a half.
But -- [ yawns ] lot of torturing to do.
A-broo-boo-boo.
Do-de-da-le-do-do.
Aroooo!
Hm hm hm. Hm.
Oh. Huh huh?
Ha! Ha ha ha. Heh.
[ ringing ]
What's up, Double Ocho?
Better pack it up, 'cause Big Bad Boba took first place-- again!
Sorry cappuccino maker!
[ sobbing ]
Around the survivors, a perimeter create.
Okay, look, l mean, l know what you mean,
but honestly dude,
this is a battle situation where clear and precise communication
can mean life or death.
You're 800 years old and super-smart,
so it's not like our speech patterns aren't something
you could mimic with a minimum of effort.
Look, it's fine for now,
let's get through this battle and then we'll, we'll do it another time,
and-- but in the future, you've gotta just...you know.
l mean, like, like, tell me what you want like a--
like a person would and then l'll say, ' Yes sir.'
Right?
That's a good point, you've given me a lot to think about.
Hi. Have you or someone you know
been permanently handicapped by a Jedi?
lf so, call me, Bob Goldstein, at Naboo-5-SUE-JEDl.
l'll get you the money you deserve fast.
l have over 10 years experience,
and l'm ready to work for you.
At last we will have our revenge.
You call now.
l love you.
l know.
[ moans ]
That l did not know.
ANNOUNCER: From the folks who brought you Star Wars Transformers
and Star Wars Potato Heads
comes ''My Little Tauntaun''!
' My Little Tauntaun, My Little Tauntaun '
' Your pretty coat just can't be beat '
' My Little Tauntaun, My Little Tauntaun '
' When l'm cold your carcass warms my feet '
Lexi, your Little Tauntaun will freeze
before you reach the school parking lot!
Then l'll see you in hell! Hee-yah!
' ...My Little Tauntaun, your pretty coat just can't be beat '
Leia and the Wookiee must never again leave this city.
That was never a condition of our arrangement,
nor was giving Han to this bounty hunter.
l have altered the deal.
Pray l don't alter it any further.
This deal's getting worse all the time.
Furthermore, l wish you to wear this dress and bonnet.
This was never a condition of our arrangement.
l have altered the deal.
Pray l don't alter it any further.
This deal's getting worse all the time.
Here is a unicycle.
You will ride it wherever you go.
What? l'm not riding no [bleep] unicycle!
l have altered the deal.
Pray l don't alter it any further.
This deal is getting worse all the time!
Also, you are to wear these clown shoes
and refer to yourself as Mary.
Oh [bleep] you, man!
l'm not doing it!
l have altered the deal.
Pray l don't alter it any further.
This deal...
is very fair, and l'm happy to be a part of it.
[ shoe squeaks ]
Join me, and together we can rule the galaxy
as father and son.
Father and son?
Huh.
' Think of all the time we wasted '
' So many plans we never made '
Okay, don't let go.
Don't let go, dad.
Don't -- don't let go.
l'm doing it!
Whoo! l'm doing it!
l'm doing it!
Dad!
Yeah!
[ dance music plays ]
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
' Crack, jam, take it down, slam it '
' Pick it back up, but don't forget to ram it '
' l make the rounds, then l double back '
' 'Cause l'm doubling twice around '
' l make the rounds, then l double back '
' 'Cause l'm doubling twice around '
' l make the rounds '
Father and son.
Wh-wh-aaaaah!
- Aah! - What?
Oh, l said, aah, l can't believe this apartment's
priced so low.
lt's got a washer and dryer, central air.
What does this do?
You know, l'm not quite sure.
Uh, garbage disposal?
Aaah!
Well, apparently it does nothing.
How's the cable in this place?
Crystal clear satellite TV.
Aah! Ugh!
[ scoffs ] Cloud City.
More like Crap City if you ask me.
Little Palpatine, l'm back from shopping!
Now what have you done with poor Mr. Whiskers?
[ meows ]
What's that?
Your squeaky toy?
- [ meow ] - l'm sorry Mr. Whiskers,
but it seems, in your passion, you swallowed it.
Meeeeoooooowwwwww!!!
Don't worry Luke. We'll find Han.
l promise.
LUKE: l'll be waiting for your signal.
Take care you two.
And may the Force be with you.
Ha ha ho! That's a nice ammo belt you got there, Chewbacca.
[ growls ]
l'll have the calamari.
Well, l guess l'll have the insensitive bitch,
with a side of [bleep] you.
You said Vader betrayed and murdered my father.
Your father was seduced by the dark side of the Force.
He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader.
So what l told you was true.
From a certain point of view.
A certain point of view?
' Luke l know you think you can't trust me '
' That l'm a liar you just shouldn't believe '
' But please know it's all true '
' From a certain point of view '
You said your name was Ben.
' Well, it's Obi-Wan '
You said my Dad was killed.
' Close! Now ain't this fun? '
' Cause technically it's true '
' From a certain point of view '
Point of view?
' Point of view '
' And l'm not the only Jedi who's screwin' with you '
Guess who?
Yoda! Not you!
' The last of the Jedi '
' l said you were, but l... '
' Wasn't totally straight about your fate '
' ln fact some'd say l lied '
' Beeeeeecause Leia is one too '
' lt's true '
' From a certain point of view '
And that first time when we met?
' He's weird. You thought, l bet. '
Why wouldn't l? You're two foot five.
' But a master nonetheless '
' Beeeecause l can be tall too '
' lt's true '
' From a certain point of view '
So you see, Luke.
lt all depends on how you look at things
Well, could you at least tell me if Leia's my sister?
l kind of have a lot riding on it.
Yoda, my friend.
Oh, no. After you Obi-wan.
' Did we forget to mention '
' The answer to your question '
' Yeeeeeeeesss, it's true '
' From a certain point of vieeeeeeewww! '
Could you be a little bit more specific?
Because we kinda made out.
Ooooh. Sorry. Uh. Yes she's totally your sister.
Mmmm. Sorry about that l am.
Aaaaah!
Hello! Meant to do it.
Thank goodness.
l thought l was doing this thousand years of digestion alone.
How did you fall in?
What? Fell in? Ha ha!
Volunteered, more like it.
You should've seen it.
You would've dug it the most.
l was flying around with my jet pack,
just smokin' rebels with my laser.
Ba-boom ba-boom ba-boom.
Han Solo was all, ''hey, wait.''
And l'm like, ''oh, l've been waiting
for this for a long time, Solo.''
Ba-bang!
The big, bad Wookiee be growling in hell now.
l even put one between Skywalker's eyes,
right between those pretty baby blues.
But then Jabba the Hutt was all,
''oh, no, this guy's too badass, man.''
So then 80 Jedi showed up.
l took out about 67 of them,
but then 20 dudes finally flanked me.
And l was like, ''you know what, kids?
lt's been real, daddy-o, but l'm not giving you the pleasure.''
So l jumped into the pit myself.
On the way down, l was thinking,
maybe l should have left 'em a party favor.
Oh, l did -- a thermo detonator right up their ass.
Ba-boom!
Oh, that's awesome.
At least you didn't go out like a punk.
Yeah. Oh, 'cause l looked like a badass.
[ sniffles ] [ sobbing ]
Are you crying?
No. Huh?
That's funny.
[ sniffles ]
Da-da-da daaaaa-da.
l'm okay.
Welcome, my master.
The Death Star construction --
Yeah, great. Fine. Whatever.
That flight was a [bleep] nightmare, man.
My stupid tray table broke,
and l ended up with a gallon of coffee in my crotch.
lt's like dunking my wang in hot lava,
something you have some experience with, l guess, huh?
- Right? Ha ha! - Yes.
ls that yours?
No, for the hundredth time, that's that same stupid black bag.
Mine doesn't have a stripe.
lt's like that stripy bag is mocking me.
[bleep] you, stripy bag.
Well, my suitcase is gone.
Sacrificed to the airport gods.
Now l'm here for two [bleep] weeks with one [bleep] robe.
All right, now it's sticking to me like a wet Kleenex.
Wow, for real?
Yeah, guess l'll just be killing myself, then.
Where is everybody? Where the hell am l?
Ah, here we go.
Do do do do, okay.
''You are here.''
Great. So where's ''here?''
Because l wanna get...oh man, l'm not even in the right hemisphere!
This is the ass end of nowhere!
Oh, l just cannot believe--
Ohh, we have a Starbucks?
Good chair, good chair.
Nice lumbar support.
Great view of...utter blackness.
[ air-conditioning humming ]
Oh, for -- l'm right under the air-conditioning vent.
And the chair's bolted to the floor?
Who's the brainiac --
Hey, Crayola, help me shut this vent.
Yeah, reach up there with your Staff of Ra and --
[ air gusting ]
Hey, want to see me tempt fate?
Could this day get any worse?
l did it ironically, so l think l'm safe.
What are you doing? Put me down.
Aaaah!
Just for once... let me look upon you with my own eyes.
Father...
[ click ]
Convene all ships on Endor.
l want the moon obliterated
and the rebels wiped from the face of the galaxy.
Sorry, sir.
Actually, we can't.
The rebels have won.
What do you mean, they won?
We have tens of thousands of ships.
We -- we control countless worlds.
We have millions of troops at our disposal.
But they just blew up the second Death Star
and killed the Emperor.
- So? - So, that means they won.
How does that mean they won?
They blew up the first Death Star years ago,
and the fighting continued.
Yes, but they didn't kill the Emperor.
They had to do both.
We can't fight back?
No. Sorry.
This is the end of the Empire.
- Really? - Yeah, 'fraid so.
That's it, then.
What do we do now?
l guess we can go get a massage.
Let's do that.
[ explosion ]
Yub yub!
Ah-eeeee-ah!
Yub-yub yub yub!
[ screaming ]
Whoo! Whoo!
Yub Yub-yub?
[ screaming ]
[ chickens clucking Star Wars theme]
Uh what? Oh man.
So l'm just, l'm beginning the story, right?
Okay, will you lead me in with that?
WEEQUAY: How did you fall in?
Ho-ho-ho. What? Fell in more like it.
Oh. Except that's wrong. What? Fell in?
More like volunteered.
Hehe, sorry.
Han Solo, boom! Right in the side of the head.
And then all of a sudden his furball says 'grrrrr!'
[ bleep ] l hate the Wookie noise.
A thermal detonator.
Good night ladies and gentlemen.
lt's been real... deadly.
Ha ha ha ha sorry.
Hi!
Whoo!
l gotta tell you, l hope someone was takin' pictures,
'cause l would love to put that on my BountySpace page.
l'll tell you the truth.
Put that on my Facebounty page. Ha ha!
l gotta get some stills for my Spacebook page, you know?
Oh, dirty emails, love 'em.
Oh, l'm gonna take this girl in my Slave One
and get all Slave Two on her slave chest.
ls that inappropriate?
[ crying ]
[ laughing ]
What the [ bleep ]'s his name? Queequay?
Weequay.
Wee-- say it again.
lt's Weequay.
Oh, every party has a pooper that why we invited Weequay.
- Went out like a man. - [ laughs ]
Went out like a... what're you...
- Sorry. l'm sorry. - What're you laughing at?
- No, no, it was funny. - Are you laughing at me?
All right, laugh at the back of my ass while l'm in my trailer.
- No, no, come on. - l think we got it.